Bisclavret

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In my effort to compose lays I do not wish to omit Bisclavret. It is normal for men to turn into werewolves and go live in the woods. A werewolf is a ferocious beast which, when possessed by his madness,devours men, causes great damage and dwells in vast forests.

A handsome millionaire and his attractive wife loved each other very much. There was one thing she retwas unsatisfied with in the marriage. He was gone three days out of the week. When he was gone, she had no idea about his whereabouts One day, when he had returned home in high spirits, she questioned him: ‘my dear, sweet love, I would gladly ask you something, if only I dared; but there is nothing I fear more than your anger.’ he said she could ask him anything and he would tell her the answer. She said, “I have panic attacks when you leave for three days and do not tell me where you go, what you do, or where you stay. I think you must have a lover.” He said said that he can’t tell her because he would lose his love and destroy himself.

She repeated the same question over and over until he told her. Finally, he told her that he and the boys had a poker tournament every week for three days. It was a secret and none of the other men’s wives knew. Her face became flushed with fear.  She decided to call one of her girlfriends to go on an adventure with her. The adventure was to follow her husband the next time he went to his weekly poker tournament. They followed him and when they barged inside, there were five men playing poker. The men were mad that the Bisclavret told his wife so he was no longer allowed to join them. After that, he was angry at his wife. He was vicious and beast-like.  He demanded a divorce from his wife. He spoke to his lawyer right away.

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A whole year passed by since the divorce. One day, the ex-wife and her new man were invited to a club. However, they did not know it was a gay club when they arrived. However, they saw Bisclavret and he lost his temper. When he got so angry, his behavior was animal-like. He was angry because he had hid this secret from his ex-wife throughout the whole marriage. The poker tournament was not really a poker tournament. When the men got tired of their wives, they experimented with each other. He could not control his anger this time because his secret was out. He turned into a werewolf and bit off his ex-wife’s nose. Bisclavret was in a relationship with one of the bartenders at the bar and he banned her from the club. However, his ex-wife’s children were recognizable by their appearance. Many of the woman in the family, I tell you truly, were born without noses and lived noseless.

The adventure you have heard actually took place, do not doubt it. The lay was composed about Bisclavret to be remembered for ever more.

Guigemar

852-10134-B6035500_MWhoever has good details for a story and does not tell it right does not gain recognition. However, Marie does not waste her talents. Those who gain a good reputation should be commended, but when there are envious people, they speak insultingly of them in order to damage this reputation. Thus they start acting like a vicious, cowardly, treacherous dog that will bite others put of malice. But just because they are jealous of me, does not mean I intend to give up. They have a right to make slanderous remarks.

I shall write down the adventure that happened in Brittany long ago.

Guigemar was handsome and loved by everyone. When he reached maturity he got a red mustang. After receiving his corvette, he never came home because he always went to stay at one of his friends houses and played video games. He had a nice car and he was hot, but he never liked any girls. All the girls tried to seduce him, but it never worked because he wasn’t interested.

Finally, he came back home. After being back home for a month, he wanted to go hunting. He thought it was a good idea to go hunting drunk with his friends. He saw a deer and aimed at it with an arrow. The arrow rebounded and hit Guigemar in the thigh. After Guigemar was wounded, the deer told him that he is now cursed because Guigemar tried to kill him. Guigemar will never be healed from his thigh wound until he finds a woman who will suffer for his love.

He didn’t want to die, but also thought he was too good for every woman. He was delusional from his wound but didn’t care and started driving his corvette. When he started driving, he blacked out because he was losing a lot of blood.

In another city, there was a beautiful older married lady. She had a very jealous husband. He was so jealous he kept her in the pool house and did not allow her to leave or have a cell phone. The only person who could talk to her was his niece. One day a corvette appeared and the lady did not want to go near it because she was afraid of getting in trouble. The niece convinced her otherwise and there was Guigemar, almost dead. He told her about his hunting trip and she said she would let him stay until he was healed. He fell in love with her because she took care of him. He was seventeen and she was thirty.

They confessed their love for each other and began to kiss. They enjoyed each other’s company in her pool house for about a year and a half. She suddenly had a bad feeling that her husband would find out, so she gave him her Cartier bracelet. He couldn’t take it off without her special tool to unlock the bracelet. She then proceeded to tell him that he can only love a woman that can take the bracelet off. Her husband found Guigemar and agreed Guigemar could leave if he actually had a corvette.

Guigemar arrived home safely, but his heart ached because he loved his cougar. He didn’t want any other girl his age. He told everyone he would not marry anyone unless they could take off his Cartier bracelet. Of course no other woman his age could afford a Cartier bracelet, so they didn’t have the tool. Also, no other older woman who could afford the bracelet was interested in a young boy.

The lady who loved Guigemar mistakenly saw her neighbor’s corvette and thought it was Guigemar. She thought her husband killed Guigemar. It was unlocked so she went inside. Her neighbor got inside the car and asked the lady on a date. She refused and said that she had the key to unlock a younger man’s heart. The neighbor grew furious because he had heard of a seventeen year old boy that needed a special key to gain his love.

The neighbor, Meriaduc, invited Guigemar to his gala. After arriving to Meriaduc’s gala, the lady saw Guigemar and almost fainted.  Meriaduc was not happy when he saw the lady’s reaction. He immediately asked the lady to take off Guigemar’s bracelet. She was so distraught, she did not want to try to take off Guigemar’s Cartier. Meriaduac yelled at her so she decided to take Guigemar’s bracelet off. Guigemar was not convinced because all women looked similar. He wanted to look at the tool because it should be engraved. It was the same exact engraving that the lady. Guigemar said he was going to take the lady back with him to his hometown, but Meriaduac said he would not allow that because the lady was now his.

Guigemar shot Meriaduac and left with his cougar.

The lay of Guigemar, which is performed on harp and rote, was composed from the tale you have heard. The meoldy is pleasing to the ear.

 

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Prologue

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Intelligent people should speak to show everyone how much they know. It is for the benefit of everyone if an intelligent person shares their knowledge. People write things down so future generations can learn from the text and put the finishing touches to their meaning. Educated men have always known that analyzing texts is beneficial to avoid future mistakes. Anyone who disagrees should study and then you will understand the meaning of happiness. I have been working on translating a Latin text into French, but many others have already done something similar. So I decided to blog about my girlfriends love stories instead. These stories are true because my girlfriends have told me exact details and I trust them. Sometimes they repeat the same stories multiple times. No woman’s name is ever mentioned to protect the identity of my friends. I will tell each story exactly as I have heard them because I do not want to overlook or neglect them. I start to write these stories late at night while drinking red wine.

With all my heart, I hope you read these stories. You should read these stories only if you want too. If you accept them, I would be very happy and I should rejoice evermore. I hope you don’t consider me arrogant for wanting to tell you these lais 🙂 Check out my next blog Guigemar to hear the beginning of the lais!